


Chloesexual

by neytah



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/F, Questioning, Season 2 spoilers, Unrequited Love, up to episode 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 20:57:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1278568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neytah/pseuds/neytah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Izzy wonders if Chloe even remembers, even wastes a second’s thought on their occasional drunken kisses.<br/>Izzy wonders all the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chloesexual

Izzy isn’t exactly sure when she first had feelings for Chloe. She’d always admired her, wanted to be just like her, the perfect girl that every boy wanted.

It’s just… everything Chloe, y’know? Chloe, with her glossy strawberry blonde hair that never looks less than perfect and her award-winning tits and her tan always just the right shade of beige and a different lip gloss color for whatever mood she might be in. Izzy’s always admired that, but sometimes, when she’s had a few drinks, she wants to kiss off that perfectly toned lip gloss. She has, once or twice, but blames it on the booze, and they brush it off as though it never happened. She can still vaguely remember, though her drunken haze, Chloe’s perfect lips, soft, but firm, and the sweet warm wetness of their tongues mingling and how amazing it all felt. Izzy wonders if Chloe even remembers, even wastes a second’s thought on their occasional drunken kisses.

Izzy wonders all the time.

She does love Chop, she does. It’s like she’s downed twelve packets of pop rocks when he’s around. It’s only ever been him, she’s never wanted anyone else. Except Chloe. Who surely doesn’t count.

Her and Chop are like one of those cheesy rom-com stories, with those two people who were always meant to be, that others wish their relationship was like. And for a while, it was like that. It was perfect. Chloe became mere background noise, just a friend excluded from the love she and Chop shared. Everything was wonderful with Chop, while it lasted.

It wasn’t supposed to happen yet. She was just so excited, after going out with Chloe and Rae and she couldn’t help but want to show him. And next thing she knows, they’re on his couch, and his lips are on her neck and he’s pressing between her legs and it just happens.

It’s not… any magical fairy tale bullshit that it’s made out to be. But it’s good.

She hopes the camping trip will be better.

***

Chop only rounds up two tents, so it’ looks like they’ll be sharing, but then Finn pulls this romantic trailer thing for Rae, which is totally the sweetest, so Chop and Izzy are left alone.

Somehow, she’d hoped it’d be better this time. When it was planned, and secluded and a tad more romantic, without Crimewatch on in the background. But it isn’t. It’s not bad exactly, just…afterwards, when Chop is asleep next to her, she is unable to fall asleep. She just keeps thinking, abut Chop, about Chloe, about herself, and what this all means and who she is and who she’s supposed to be and it’s so overwhelming and…

Izzy’s identity crisis is interrupted by a commotion outside. She’d recognize that voice anywhere.

She peeks out of the tent to see Chloe, a blanket wrapped around her, sitting several feet away from her and Archie’s tent. Izzy takes a moment to throw on a t-shirt and panties, careful not to disturb the sleeping Chop. Then, she climbs out of her tent, goes over and sits down next to Chloe.

She’s crying. Not fake crying, which Chloe does all too often to get what she wants, but the type of crying Chloe hates because it shows her weakness, when she’s unable to stop the tears. It’s quiet, only shown by the tears streaking down her face and the quiver of her upper lip.

“It’s not fair!” She says. “You get Chop, and Rae gets Finn, and I’m stuck with Archie who doesn’t want to look at me, let alone touch me. When did perfection become so unwanted?” Her voice cracks on that last bit, making Izzy’s heart twist in pain. She goes to take Chloe’s hand, but she pulls it away.

“Don’t you dare pity me! I don’t need pity, especially from you.”

“Chloe…” any other words are swallowed up by the void of hurt Izzy feels.

“Sorry, Iz, I shouldn’ta said that.” Chloe’s tears are coming out steadier, her entire body shaking as she does her best to hold back her sobs. Izzy can do nothing but put her arms around Chloe and hold her tight, and this time, Chloe’s doesn’t push her away.

“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.” Izzy says. “Any boy would be lucky to have you.”

“Archie doesn’t think so.”

“Well, Archie’s an idiot.”

“No, he’s not! You don’t get it, Iz, you’ll never get it. Nobody wants to be with me, they all just wanna stare at me and maybe put a few drinks in me so I might kiss ‘em. Nobody wants to love me.” She’s bawling now, her entire body shaking in Izzy’s arm.

“I love ya, Chlo,” Izzy says. “For what it’s worth, you’re my best friend in the whole world.”

“Thanks, Iz.”

The Izzy kisses her. It’s not like their previous drunken kisses, it’s awkward, closed lips against closed lips. The second Izzy realizes what she’s doing, she jolts away, her face going red. “

Sorry, I…” She gestures in the direction of the booze, “I had a few…earlier…”

“Why’d you kiss me?”

“I…”

Izzy shrugs, at a complete loss for words. Fuck, she’s gone and fucked everything up, hasn’t she?

Then Chloe lurches forward, taking Izzy’s face in her hands, and smacking their lips together. Izzy’s shocked and confused, but she can’t help but kiss back. It’s her first sober kiss with Chloe and she loses herself in it. She loses herself in Chloe’s soft tear-salted lips and her mint flavored mouth, probably meant for Archie, but Izzy can’t bring herself to care because she’s kissing Chloe and it better than her wildest dreams.

Then Chloe pulls away.

“Yep, definitely not a lesbian.”

Izzy’s glad it’s dark. So Chloe can’t see all the color drain from her face.

“Do I look like a lesbian? Do I give off that vibe? A girl was hitting on me the other day.”

Chloe sighs, then stands up.

“Let’s keep this between us, ‘kay?”Izzy nods. “I’m gonna go try to go to sleep. See ya tomorrow, yeah?”

And then she’s gone.

Izzy is up for most of the night, silent tears streaming down her face.

She hates Chloe. How could she be so cruel, toying with her feelings, oblivious to anyone other than herself, self-centered and bitchy but she loves her. It's painful for Izzy to admit. Izzy _loves_ Chloe. She does, she does, she does. And it pains her to be here, lying next to a boy that loves her with all his heart while she cannot do the same.

In the morning, for Chloe, nothing has changed. But for Izzy, nothing will ever be the same.


End file.
